Crazy Dreams
by gunman
Summary: Shunsui and Nanao's dreams conflict with each other, resulting in some usual and hilarious situations for the pair. Guest staring the 4th Division. Oneshot.


_**CRAZY DREAMS**_

by Gunman

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or it's characters.

Author's Notes: This is a Shunsui/Nanao pairing. Not a pairing I would have chosen, as the character personalities are rather hard to write on. Still, some challenges are hard not to accept. Presented by **BlackVelvetBand**. So here is my entry.

The basic purpose of this story is: Nanao may be a stoic/logical person, but her dreams are crazy. And so are Shunsui's.

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She stood on the edge of the tower that was overlooking the gigantic metallic canyon around her. The entire complex seemed more like a funnel of some kind, as if you were supposed to just stare either up or down from it.

On the walkway next to the extended antenna tower stood a tall man in a pink leather outfit, an electronic panel of flashing lights on his chest, and a very large helmet covering most of his face. On his belt was a pink sake bottle.

She herself was dressed in a tannish flight suit and glasses, her right arm missing from just below her wrist.

"Yamamoto didn't tell you what really happened to your father, did he?" Darth Kyoraku hissed under his large hat as he leaned over the railing.

"He told me enough!" Nanao Skywalker gasped as she backed away further from the railing. "He told me YOU killed him!"

"No. Your father is very much alive!"

"And how could you know that?"

"Because Nanao... I am your father!"

She gasped as the realization took over her. "No... you're lying! That's Impossible!"

"Search your feelings, you know it to be true."

"No. No!"

"Yes, yes! Now... come over here and have some sake!" he said as he grabbed the pink bottle from his belt and waved it at her.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" She cried out as she leaned backwards and fell off the tower, dropping into the dark abyss below.

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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nanao Ise screamed as she rocketed up from the bed.

She looked around and found that she was once again in her bedroom. Her brow was caked with sweat and her breathing was erratic. She reached over for her glasses and put them on.

"It was just a dream... just a crazy dream..." she huffed.

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"I have to admit: that is one crazy dream." Isane Kotetsu said as she scribbled down more notes onto her yellow notepad.

Ordinarily Isane wasn't the Seireitei Shrink. But she was the only person Nanao could trust to help her with this problem.

(Honestly, the only other qualified person capable of dissecting her dreams was Mayuri Kurotsuchi and he'd do it with a scalpel and no anesthetic)

Despite her lack of bedside professionalism, Isane was a good listener. And being an Assistant Captain herself was also useful.

"This is the third one I've had in the last month, Isane! Crazy doesn't even begin to cover it!" Nanao said, uncharacteristically unnerved.

"And all of them having to do with Captain Kyoraku."

"Yes. The first one had to do with me selling my soul to the Devil in order to save him from alcohol poisoning."

"And you became the 'Devil's Bounty Hunter' who rode a flaming motorcycle to catch monsters and escaped demons."

"Right. That one was ridiculous enough, but then a week later I dreamt that I was Captain Kyoraku's sidekick, only he was dressed up in a pink bat-costume with sake pellets in his utility belt..."

"And you were dressed in a..." Isane said, pausing as she flipped through her notes until she found it. "A green and red outfit with a yellow cape and skirt, and an 'R' on your chest."

"That's right. It was so embarrassing showing off so much leg like that." Nanao blushed.

"But it was only a dream." Isane insisted.

"Maybe so, but this is just... It's... it's just so..."

"Disturbing?" she said, figuring that for the right word.

"YES!" Nanao shouted.

"Alright, alright, no need to shout." Isane hushed the other woman.

"Sorry. It's just been so... I really don't understand why I'm having these dreams. I've been working with Captain Kyoraku for years, and now all this. Why now?"

Isane mulled over that for a bit. "Several reasons really. It could be your pent up frustrations at not knowing your father. Your pent up frustrations at not interacting with enough men. Or your pent up frustrations at not being a stronger influence in Captain Kyoraku's life."

Nanao sighed. "In short: I'm frustrated!"

"Best guess." Isane said with only a slightly teasing tone. "But I'm sure there's more to it than that."

"Great. More good news." she sighed as she rubber her forehead.

"Look, as I'm sure you are aware, you and Captain Kyoraku are polar opposites."

Nanao gave her a strange, almost sarcastic look that said, 'you think?'

Isane continued. "You are rather conservative, he's pretty liberal. You're serious, he's relaxed. You carry a book around with you, he carries a sake bottle. You dress in the standard black Shihakusho of a Soul Reaper, he wears a pink cloak."

Isane could have gone on and on, and Nanao knew it. But she wisely stopped after the seventh comparison.

"So... what?" Nanao asked once she was finished.

"This is just my opinion... but I think he's starting to wear you down." Isane said.

"WHAT?" she gasped, obviously upset by what she meant by that.

"He's getting to you. His influence is starting to reach you. Outwardly you show no change of this. But inside... in your subconscious..."

"I'm dreaming about him in all sorts of weird ways."

"Yes."

"But relationships like that are forbidden!" Nanao shot out.

Isane blinked. "Who said anything about a relationship?" she asked, obviously confused.

Nanao blushed.

"Besides, you can't work with someone and not have them influence you in some way. And some of the captains and lieutenants have been working side-by-side for centuries. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

That actually made Nanao a little bit more depressed. That meant that she was having no effect on Kyoraku whatsoever.

At least... that was her impression of things.

"But what do I do about it?" Nanao asked.

"The best thing I can offer you... is this: Talk to the man."

"What?" she gasped. "You mean... tell him about my dreams?"

"You don't have to tell him, but it might help. What I'm suggesting is, you talk to him about how things have been going in your life and his. See if he's been affected in any way by your influences."

Nanao almost laughed at that. _Her_ influences consisted of smacking him with her fan, her tomb, her hands, sticks, rocks, bushels of flowers, her sandals, even other peoples Zanpaku-To's when they became handy. She doubted he ever really listened to her.

"That man will never change. He has too much fun doing nothing but playing, sleeping, drinking, and making jokes." she huffed. "Makes me wonder how he became a captain in the first place."

"Perhaps, but that doesn't mean you're influence is nonexistent."

Nanao sighed again. "Alright. I'll think about it."

"Fair enough."

The pair stood up and shook hands, a conclusion to their session. Isane suddenly held tightly as she placed her other hand on top of Nanao's.

"Good luck, Nanao." she said softly to the other woman.

The bespectacled gave a lite nod and then left once she had been released.

Isane watched her go and sighed. _I should be getting paid for this!_

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(Dream State)

Nanao cracked her whip, wrapping it around the gargoyle statue that was on the far wall, and swung out towards it. She gripped the statue with all her strength, the heavy rain making it rather slick, yet she was able to hold on tightly. She uncurled her whip from around the statue and whipped it around a set of overhanging telephone wires.

Taking a deep breath and steeling her nerves for the coming stunt, the young woman leaped from the statue and flew through the air, crashing through the steel plated window and landed hard on the floor.

She looked around quickly, but saw nothing in the dark room.

CRASH!

Nanao went down to the floor, stunned, as the hard object impacted her head.

"Junior?" Shunsui Jones asked, wearing a pink tweed suit and holding a broken sake bottle, when he realized who it was he had hit.

"Yes, sir!" Nanao Jones shouted as she sprang to her feet, automatic conditioning taking over.

"It is you Junior!" the unshaven man gasped.

"Please don't call me that!" the glasses wearing woman declared.

Noises were heard outside the room and Nanao pushed Shunsui back up against the wall. It was then that Shunsui got a good look at the vintage, now broken, sake bottle he had just used on the 'intruder' that turned out to be his daughter. He went over to the lamp on his desk.

"Ming Sake Bottle. 14th Dynasty. Oh it breaks the heart." Shunsui gasped.

"And the head! You hit me dad!" Nanao groaned, rubbing her head underneath her fedora.

"I'll never forgive myself." he said, still looking at the broken sake bottle.

"I'm alright." she said, thinking he was talking about her.

He turned to look at her. "I'm so glad." he said, pulling her by the arm to the table. "Look, it's a fake." he said, smiling while she frowned. "See, you can tell, at the cross-section." he said before tossing the bottle in the corner, breaking it.

"Dad!" she shouted.

"What?" he asked.

"Just get your stuff!" she snapped, pushing him over to where his bags sat.

"I am sorry about your head though. I thought you were one of them." he explained as he grabbed all of his belongings, including his umbrella.

"Dad, they come in through the front door." she snapped as she searched for a way out of the room.

"Oh, right. I was wrong this time, but thank god I wasn't when I mailed you my diary. You obviously got it." he said, shoving his umbrella into his bag.

"Yeah. I got it and I used it." she stated seriously.

"You found the entrance." he gasped.

"In the church." she confirmed.

"Yes. And you found Sir Yamamoto."

"What was left of him." she shrugged.

"And his sword. The inscription on Sir Yamamoto's sword."

She sighed before she recited it. "Sake For Everyone."

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" he cried, dancing around the room.

Just then, the Bounts entered the room, their swords drawn.

"Dr Jones?" the lead Bount said.

"Yes?" Shunsui and Nanao replied in unison.

"Give me the book." the lead Bount said to Nanao.

"What book?" they both replied again.

"The diary."

"What?" Shunsui laughed. "Do you think my daughter would be stupid enough to bring my diary back here? You idiot."

Nanao blushed a little, more in shame.

"You didn't did you? You didn't bring it back, did you?"

"Well, I..."

"You did!" he gasped. "I can't believe you brought it back here!"

"Will you take it easy?" she snapped at him.

"'Take it Easy'? Why Do You Think I Sent Off The Book? So That It Wouldn't Fall Into Their Hands!" he snapped back. "What Were You Thinking?"

"I Came Here To Save You!" she snapped at him.

"YEAH? Well Who's Going To Save You, Junior?"

"I Told You..." she lunged forward, pulling out her large book and whacking the Bounts until they were all dead. Once they were dead, she turned to her father. "...DON'T Call Me _Junior_!"

The man gulped as he was pulled out of the room by the aggressive woman.

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Kyoraku awoke to find his sake bottle empty, his pink robes wrapped tightly around his legs, and his hat under his head.

"Whoa! What the hell did I drink last night?" he asked, turning his sake bottle upside down and getting over a few drips in response. "Hmm. All of it."

He paused as he looked around and realized his dream.

"Whoa. That was the craziest dream yet. I've never been to any old castle... or captured by Bounts... and would Nanao really beat... yes, yes she would. And then she'd hit me."

He gathered himself up and then headed off to the 4th Division.

"I think I need to talk to someone about this."

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(4th Division Station, Captain Unohana's Office)

"So, let me understand this: You dreamed you were a fish?" Retsu Unohana asked.

"Yeah. An overly protective pink and white clown fish who was trying to rescue Nanao, who I kept calling my daughter." Shunsui explained.

Retsu could have argued that clown fish were orange and white, but decided not to confuse the already upset man. "And you were trying to rescue her because she had been kidnapped by Hollows... who looked like different kinds of sharks." she said.

"Right. And for some reason I was joined by this blue and white fish with a really bad memory. Kinda reminded me of Yachiru. And then a week later I dreamed I was this weird hologram guy in a crystal talking to Nanao, who was wearing this blue and red skintight outfit with a big red 'S' on her soft, curvy, ample..."

"Excuse me, Shunsui! You're getting off track again!" Retsu quickly interrupted before the man stated drooling.

"Sorry." he grinned. "Anyway, my latest dream was of Nanao coming to my rescue after I had been captured by the Bounts."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what was she wearing in this one?" Retsu asked.

"A leather jacket, brown pants, thick boots, a brown fedora hat, and she had a whip." he described.

Retsu wondered absently if the whip was a fetish thing he'd had on his mind.

"Okay." she said, just accepting it so they could continue.

"So... what can you tell me?" Shunsui asked.

"Well... while I'm no psychiatrist... you did ask for my opinion... so here it is." she said and sighed. "You're having these unusual dreams based on your relationship with Nanao. A relationship that is seemingly more than that of a captain and his lieutenant."

"More than... ohhhhh she's gonna kill me for that." Shunsui groaned as he sulked deeper into his chair.

"Maybe. But you shouldn't feel too bad. These are just dreams. And they appear to be more of a father/daughter variety than romantic."

"Well yeah, but if Nanao ever heard this she might take offense to it. She's rather... uptight about these kinds of things."

"Yes. I know." she said with a smile, writing down something on her notepad.

"So... what do I do?"

"I think you should talk to Nanao." she said.

He balked. "You mean... tell her about these dreams?"

"Not exactly. But you might want to talk to her about your relationship with her."

"Hmm. My relationship with her." he mused. "In what way?"

"Look. Captains obviously care about the people who serve under them in the Divisions. Well, most captains do anyway." she said, not mentioning Captains like Mayuri Kurotsuchi. "Some even care more for those who serve directly under them, like their lieutenants. It's only natural that some of these feelings grow into a parental concern."

"So... I think of Nanao like a daughter?"

"Yes."

"But she's such a hottie!"

WHACK!

"OUCH!!!" he groaned, face-down on the ground.

"I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from." Retsu said as she put her large medical dictionary back on her bookshelf.

"No problem." he groaned as he crawled back to his chair. "I'm kinda used to it."

"Why don't you go sleep on it and talk to Nanao in the morning." Retsu suggested.

"Right. Sleep." he groaned as he stumbled out of the office. _I'm almost afraid to sleep nowadays_.

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(Dream State)

"I don't understand why you're so upset." Shunsui said as Nanao glared at him.

"Shunsui, a mother is trained to expect a certain amount of breakage when she returns after leaving her children alone. A broken dish. Spilt milk on the rug. Even a burnt casserole in the oven." she said before taking a deep breath. "There Was A Kangaroo... In My Living Room!" Nanao said trying to hold in her anger.

"Oh. He was just here for the party." he explained with a grin.

"That makes me feel so much better." she said with a low growl.

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In her room, Nanao was tossing and turning in her bed.

"...freaking... burnt casserole... and the... kangaroo... in my Living Room!" she cried out as she grabbed her tomb and swung at the empty air in her room.

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In his room, Shunsui was sweating and groaning in his own bed.

"Kangaroo... just here for the... party..." he groaned, before suddenly jerking like he had been hit, and falling off his bed and onto the floor. "Oh... wow!" he gasped as he sat up. "I need to talk to Nanao and fast. She's even smacking me around in my dreams!"

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(8th Division Station, Assistant Captain Nanao Ise's Office)

Kyoraku wondered why they had to meet in Nanao's office, only he didn't want to anger the girl anymore than he figured he usually did.

However, when he got there, he noticed she was a little flustered as well.

"Can I help you with something, captain?" Nanao asked, trying to finish some paper work.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you, Nanao." Shunsui said, with unusual seriousness.

"Uh... about what?" she asked as Shunsui sat down on the seat next to her desk.

"Uh... clown fish, crystals, and kangaroos."

Nanao looked up, the kangaroo sounding familiar.

"Oh, good. I'd like to talk to you too." she said.

"Oh? About what?" he asked.

"Demons, sidekicks, and pink leather."

His eyebrow lifted at hearing the last one. He started off.

"Well, to start, I've been having a lot of unusual dreams lately."

_Really_? "You have? They haven't been of me have they?"

"Actually... they have."

He started talking fast when he saw her hand go for the large tomb sitting on the side of her desk.

"I dreamt that you were my daughter." he suddenly blurted out.

Her hand stopped.

"What?" she asked.

Shunsui then explained the dreams he was having in the last month. When he was finished, Nanao was the first to speak.

"You broke a sake bottle over my head?" she asked.

"Well I thought you were a Bount." he replied.

She grimaced at that.

"Any... strange dreams about me?"

Nanao looked at him and then told him of her last dream.

"Uh... a kangaroo?"

"Yeah."

"And I was your son?"

"Yes."

"So... does that mean I can't have that puppy?"

"And what? Have you sell him for sake?"

The pair continued talking for a while, eventually coming to the understanding of just what their relationship, of the father/daughter variety, was really a good one.

Though that didn't stop Shunsui from teasing her any more than normal. Especially about being her child and not getting to breast feed.

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Author's Notes:

Hope everyone liked this story. I'm not much for the pairing, but I thought it would be a good, especially if I placed them in situations from popular movies and television.

The ones I used were scenes from The Empire Strikes Back, Finding Nemo, Ghost Rider, Batman and Robin, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Superman, and Family Ties.

Hope everyone enjoyed this.

I'm actually going for either 'The Flashing Glasses Award' or 'The Sake Bottle'.

Keep in mind, this was my attempt at humor. And here is an omake for some extra fun.

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"Any... strange dreams about me?"

Nanao looked at him and then told him of her last dream.

"Uh... a kangaroo?"

"Yeah."

"And I was your son?"

"Yes."

"So... does that mean you're going to breast feed me?"

Shunsui spent the next three months in the intensive case unit. The cause: IBB. (Injury By Book)


End file.
